The other day, someone asked me “what is love?” in a philosophical sense.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life so far: embarrassing myself, making selfish or immature decisions, blowing all my first and second chances, missing out on things I should have experienced, and taking things for granted. I can’t think of a period of my life that I can look back on and not cringe at my own stupidity. And for as long as I can remember all I’ve wanted is the chance to start over from scratch, trying everything again, but with all the knowledge I have now. I wanted some genie to just appear out of thin air and offer me a do-over, a chance to be the person I always wanted to be, to make all the right decisions.
But I know that any choice I make differently could change my entire life. It could lead me down a different path, possibly away from you. I might never meet you, or fall in love with you, or have a life with you.
So if someone offered me a do-over now, I would have to turn them down, because I’m not willing to take that kind of chance. For your sake I would turn down the thing I’ve always secretly wanted. I wouldn’t even consider it, because being with you is the one thing that I don’t have any regrets about. I know whenever I look back at my life I’m still going to remember all the mistakes, but they’ll seem tiny and insignificant next to our relationship, the one thing I managed to get right in all my life.
And that might not be the dictionary definition of love, but that’s what it means to me personally.
Happy anniversary, Nick!
